Chicago’s Faux Winter Ends

Q101 is digging, well, digging the Q101 Mobile Command Center of Death, Destruction, Terror, and Mayhem out of its parking spot (the one marked by the 1950s kitchenette is ours; don’t even think about moving it and taking our spot, or expect to get keyed).

How quickly our “pretend winter” has ended!  It was literally just the other day that we were playing a fearsome game of no-shirt basketball.   Oh well.  We’ll be back, ballers…in late April.

Let’s look back one last loving time on what Q101 Blogga “Chicago Ranter” affectionately called “Springpocalypse”:

Chicago winters suck. But it’s part of living here. We have to put up with the worst winters in the country in exchange for extreme bragging rights over the rest of the country. It’s a bad tradeoff, I know, but it’s our trademark. We always get tons of snow, record-breaking cold streaks, and what can only be described as ‘ice storms.’ Other cities can try to take our title, but let’s get one thing straight. Chicago has the worst winters.

Except for this year.

Last year was insane. Everyone remembers Chicago’s blizzard of 2011 and now knows the definition of ‘Snowpocalypse.’ And though we were promised another unforgettable winter, so far it seems like we’ve had more days hit the 50s this winter than inches of snow and I’m calling b.s. It’s January already! I should be knee deep in white slush (that somehow soaks through even the heaviest boots) and remembering not to eat the yellow snow… But it looks like a snowcone!

This winter I wanted to find out what frostbite feels like, but so far I’ve spent most of it in my ugly spring jacket that’s only supposed to be cramping my style for like, a week during may.

I know I shouldn’t be complaining, this weather is making the commutes easier, the sun is out, the CTA workers aren’t as bitter… But goddammit we’re losing our bragging rights!

This year we can’t complain about how crappy Chicago winter weather is without sounding like a bunch of whiny Midwesterners. It’s embarrassing for us. This winter’s holiday tourists are wearing T-shirts and thinking, “oh, this isn’t so bad, I don’t know what everyone’s complaining about. I bet that ‘blizzard’ last year was just a flurry.”

But there WAS a blizzard! I swear! At this time last year we were all watching news reporters freeze their asses off while we sat on our couch, watching our cold, white excuse-out-of-work fall from the sky. Many of us had our first snow day since the 2nd grade, and spent the day watching people dig their cars out thinking, ‘sucks to be that guy.’

The worst part about this spring-like weather is the tourists didn’t get pummeled with snow and windburn. This year’s holiday tourists should have really gotten the full tour. The city should’ve been at a standstill and covered in snow, O’Hare should’ve been shut down, their flight delayed, and sub-zero temperatures from the Loop to the ‘burbs. It’s part of the Chicago winter experience, and I hate that they missed out on that. It’s like going to New York City and not seeing a single taxicab. Or like going to Iowa and not being bored. It’s just not right.

I want our bragging rights back. It’s really all we have. This city is politically corrupt and unreasonably expensive, but goddamn do we get to brag about our snow.

I really hope this doesn’t turn out to be a mild winter. Especially after all the weather people reported that La Nina had it out for Chicago once again. Last year, that west coast weather pattern turned Chicago into a frozen hell. I’m not exactly sure what La Nina is, but in the end, ‘La Nina’ means ‘little girl’ in Spanish. And to this day, I still haven’t lost a fight to a girl. So bring it on Chicago winter 2012!

By Chicago Ranter

Twitter @ChicagoRanter


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2 thoughts on “Chicago’s Faux Winter Ends

  1. What braggin rights?!?!? There is literally no reason our taxes should be so high…for the shitty public trans and awful weather during spring and summer..

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