(from chicagoreader.com)

Thu 10/19: The Amazing Acro-Cats includes a skateboarding cat, a cat that holds the Guinness Book of World Records’ record for longest cat jump, and an entire band called Tuna and the Rock Cats! entirely made up of . . . cats. Bring your cat-hoarding pals to the Vittum Theater (1012 N. Noble). 7:30 PM, $23-$38 (MORE HERE) 

My cat can’t do any of these things, but she just doesn’t want it bad enough.