Why can’t you have nice things?

I just got a *new* used car and within a week it was keyed on the hood in this peppy zig-zag design. Who did it? I have one suspect in my head, but that’s it. Am I going to fix it? nah. Calling insurance over this would be stupid. It’ll just have to stay there- for-ev-errr. I blame myself for having to park it on the street. It’ll happen right? But it begs the question… why can’t you have nice things?